Why Your Relationship with Money is Just Like Any Other Relationship (And Why It's Time to Rethink It)

💬 If you know anything about me, or if we’ve ever had an IRL conversation, I’m quite certain the topic of money has come up. While clouded by a lot of cultural predispositions and internalized biases—whether we’re aware of them or not—and whether we feel comfortable speaking about it out loud or not, the fact of the matter is that money, and finances, are one of the basic foundations of our world and our societies. We’re all deeply affected by it, and we all have a relationship with it, whether we like it or not.

👵 Unlike many of you, I was raised by Boomers. Love them or fiercely disagree with them, their world, especially the financial aspects of it, was quite different from ours. In my case, my set of Boomers brought with them a rather large collection of outdated and inaccurate ideas about money forged in a semi-communist country. So, to say the least, once we fled to the Netherlands during the Yugoslavian war, trying to make my way in a new land with new rules, leaving these ideas unexamined and unquestioned would not have made it any easier for me.

💡 So, equipped with a bag of silly ideas and not a penny to my name, I decided this was simply not good enough for me.

😏 I’ll skip ahead a little, to when the 90s and 2000s versions of the Crypto and Finance bros arrived to darken my horizons. I was young and didn’t quite know how to form an opinion on them other than to say… Oh boy, they are so full of it!

📚 See, back then, I was doing my BA at a Finance school and was therefore surrounded by legions of freshy baked finance bros. I got to know their shenanigans while they were young and still couldn’t pull the wool over my eyes. We were all studying the same material, after all. Our books were the same, and when it comes to the mechanics of economics and money, this stuff is basic primary school math. There’s also a plethora of terminology designed to scare the living daylights out of you and make you feel like this is too difficult for anyone to understand. If you haven’t been studying this since you were in the womb, forget it! Everything’s lost for you, my friend. Should’ve made smarter decisions as a kid!

🧠 Now, even though I didn’t have much say in my childhood, what I realized early on is that economics is a fully made-up subject matter. Made up by humans. There are no natural laws governing it. It’s not an exact science like math, physics, or chemistry. Therefore, it’s malleable and flexible. More importantly, it was created in our collective minds, which means it stands and falls by the workings of our psyche. And because it’s governed by our psychology, emotions, and spirituality, it can change. We can change.

🎒 Things shifted for me once I realized my backpack full of ideas wasn’t something I needed to carry for the rest of my days. I could empty it out and keep only what served me. And let me tell you, things really started to change when I accepted that money is an entity—a force, a concept, an idea that has taken on a physical form in our world. Just like a chair starts as an idea in someone’s mind, gets drawn on paper, and then built into something solid, money follows the same pattern. And guess what? I have a relationship with this entity. And just like I can love or hate a chair, I can also love or hate money, because it’s a relationship with a concept—an abstract and concrete expression of it. And, hey, I’m great at relationships!

🎢 So, here we go. Buckle up!

📝 As a Money Mindset Mentor, and a former dysfunctional participant in relationships, I’d like to invite you to consider some of the ideas I’ve presented here and ask yourself the following questions. You might want to journal on them, and I won’t lie—it’s highly likely you’ll feel uncomfortable. You may experience feelings of rage or a strong urge to throw your journal on the ground. Or set it on fire. Wait, maybe that’s just me. My southern temperament. Your emotions may express themselves differently, but it’s very likely you’ll feel the need to abandon the mission and run from the page. Know that this is completely natural.

💭 If you’re ready to commit to yourself and redefine your relationship with money, this exercise will prove more valuable in the long run than learning about crypto, NFTs, or any other difficult-sounding but very simple concepts.

📓 Questions to journal on:

✨ What do I feel when I think about money as a neutral entity with whom I have a relationship? Does this sound a bit too far out there? If so, why?

✨ What are some things I often say about money? Are phrases like “I can’t afford that,” “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “That’s too expensive” part of my everyday vocabulary?

✨ If I consider money an entity and accept that I have a relationship with it, how does that relationship feel? If it were a relationship with another human, would it feel healthy? Toxic? Anxious?

✨ How do I behave toward money? Do I criticize it? What are my thoughts when it comes into my life? Do I think, “That’s not enough,” or do I say, “Welcome to my bank account, friend. How have you been?”

✨ How do I feel when I’m spending money? What are my thoughts? Gratitude? Joy? Anxiety?

✨ If you take some of your thoughts about money and apply them to a friendship, what would that friendship look like? Would your friend stick around, or would they say, “You know what? I need a break from you. Call me when you’re less toxic”?

💪 Now, I realize I may have opened up a little psychological wound here. But seriously, if you’ve made it this far, I salute you! While I present hard work as play (it’s how I roll), I also know that examining ideas we’ve never looked at before takes guts. If you’ve answered these questions, you’ve done more than most people ever do. You’re a rock star! You’re a magnificent being made of stardust, having a human experience. This is what we do here on Earth—we dig deep and transmute what no longer serves us. I’m proud of you!

🔄 Now, let’s transmute those pesky ideas that have been holding us back and let them work for us.

🗝️ The next part is key. Look at the statements that made it onto your paper, the ones like “That’s too expensive” or “I can’t afford that.” Choose a few that resonate with you the most—maybe the ones that hurt the most, or maybe start with the easier ones. Then, ask yourself:

✨ What could I think right now that would make me feel better?

✨ What new thought can I replace the old one with, something that makes me feel more free and less anxious?

✨ If I assume I can change my mind, what would I want to change it to?

🎯 For example, instead of “I can’t afford that,” how about “Right now, I’m not prioritizing this, but that could change in the future”? Does that feel better? Does the knot in your stomach start to unwind? What’s another idea that makes you feel even better?

🎨 Now, let’s have some fun. What would happen if you let yourself play with these ideas? If you allowed yourself to dream, just a little? What would you love to own, experience, or be if money were limitless? What sparks joy in your heart?

🎉 Play with this, my friend. After all, nothing serious is going on here. Stick with me, and we’ll turn this relationship around—one of joy, fun, and abundance. And if you’d like to work with me one-on-one, let’s chat!